The Moving Van Came.
The van came and went last night around 2 in the morning....with my blog! I've moved, yes, to: blog.jacobsroot.com
posted by shark_maul @ 5/29/2006 10:55:00 AM
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Monday, May 29, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Sucking the Poison.
I did it. After a year and a half of stewing, hating, and being depressed I called Katie. We talked for about 40 minutes and I apologized for my stuff and we cleared the air. It needed to be done a long time ago but sometimes the pride that I try to kill ends up coming rather close to killing me. So to put an end to hurting someone I love I sucked the poison out of my life. And it's been 5 minutes and I feel that I'm a step closer to where I want to be. Freedom can only be experienced through forgiveness....for so long I think many have thought this applied to Jesus...but forgiving is just as important in any situation. Kayla, thank you for helping me move on.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/27/2006 09:54:00 PM
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Friday, May 19, 2006
Backwards.
One thing that amazes me is how the world works in a backwards fashion. God does especially. Example, last night Kayla and I went out and I opened the door for her when we got in the car, well she'll lean over and open mine when I do that. But in contrast when I don't I open mine...and hers. It's interesting how giving has it's returns while just doing it myself gives me double the work. God works in the same way a lot, we give and receive support and encouragement (I hesitate to say "blessings" because it would be taken in the context of money and that's not how God works).
posted by shark_maul @ 5/19/2006 08:14:00 AM
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Realizations.
Life is full of realizations. I'm learning one thing for now. Pride is what will ultimately kill everyone and if it wasn't for God the church would die. Today my parents gave me some money because things haven't gone the way I'd hoped for in the way of freelance work. I really want to show I can support myself but as of right now I can barely make it week to week. Mom and Dad showed me that sometimes I haven't to put aside my pride and ask for help. We have to do this for the church. The church should function on a basis that if there is need then it should be taken care of. There's a lot more on this...but it's past midnight. So more...later.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/16/2006 12:28:00 AM
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Saturday, May 13, 2006
Being the Body.
A couple of weeks ago I sat at Panera Bread listening to Jack Johnson with Kayla. We'd eaten and were working on projects for school. We were there probably about 2 hours, I watched people come in and out eat and leave. A man who is a minister in Greenville came in with his wife and ate. Quietly and peaceful, no problems. Right as they were leaving the wife knocked over a metal tray making a lot of noise and spilling food all over the floor. Panera is a bust your own table type of place...they left it everything. All the food on the floor and the food on the table. It made me rather angry to see someone that is part of the body of Christ act so...unChristlike. They as a part of society follow the rules, the guidelines...when a place says bust your own table that's what you do. But amazingly as Christians instead of making sure it was spotless before they left neither bothered to even attempt to clean. We've become so focused on the rules we forget about our duty. Our calling by our savior to show the world in endless measure that we love them for who they are. And one way is to follow the guidelines of society, to show we care.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/13/2006 04:43:00 PM
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Sunday, May 07, 2006
The Basics.
This morning at Catalyst Jake brought donuts. I'm a huge donut fan, probably a little too much of one. But one thing that struck me is that everyone wanted the donuts, we probably would have griped had we not gotten them. This concept translates very closely to the concept of behavioral control (much like in "The Island"), donuts would insure the peaceful and sugary state of all present workers. Now I know that's a bit of stretch to relate donuts to behavior control but it still begs the question, as humans what must we have to be "satisfied." I watched the first half of Black Hawk Down tonight and I couldn't help but think that the people in Mogadishu were missing an integral part of their needs. They felt that somehow their actions would fulfill a need. Just a little food for thought.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/07/2006 10:03:00 PM
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The Life Ahead of Me
This weekend has confirmed for me a few things, first...living alone sucks. Second...I want a job that I work hard at do well at and stay away from my house while I'm at work. Third...I'd like to be married...not because I want to have sex but because I'd die of boredom. This weekend living at the house alone has been pretty much the 2 longes days of my life. I have nothing to do except sit and watch 24 on DVD and play Paper Mario. Both of which are quite noble quests but neither really cater to my personality. Today I contemplated washing my car...in the rain. Yes, it is that bad...well there went 5 minutes! That means I'm five minutes closer to going to work in the morning...yes!
posted by shark_maul @ 5/07/2006 07:39:00 PM
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Saturday, May 06, 2006
James.
I've been reading James in my quiet time lately and it's been a real blessing. I think many have issues with James because he seems to go against what Paul say when it comes to the relationship between faith and action. James saying that faith without works is dead is one of the boldest statements. He's calling us to get out of the pew and on our feet. Not just to sing but to be hands and feet and mouth and body of Christ. We are to reach out to everyone in a way that emulates Christ. I think often I hear (I do the same) that missions trips are service, that's a true statement...but so is actually listening and caring to the people around in such a way that they see that somehow Christ has intersected their life. They see plain and clear that the Jesus who so many have tried to force on them is actually a caring God who wants to forgive and not hate. When we move towards that we are getting the point. We show the world our faith is not dead because we put it into action.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/06/2006 01:19:00 PM
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Thursday, May 04, 2006
Distortion
My dictionary defines distortion as: change the form of (an electrical signal or sound wave) during transmission, amplification, or other processing What happens when Christ becomes distorted? I was listening to a question and answer time Engage had on Tuesday and it was interesting. There were 2 things brought up first was distortion. Over time our view of Christ has become distorted and that affects all aspects of our lives. When things become distorted we view Christ through a lens that isn't real, we think he's hateful and judgemental. They put it as (the basic paraphrase): God has had a little too much coffee and is out to get someone, often we think this in the south. The fear of God is what we believe in, but a healthy understanding of the fear of God would be "awe." We are in awe of God and his power when we realize our smallness in his bigness, that is fear. We have distorted the image of Christ in a big way and that affects our ability to be healed by his grace and power. Don't let it, don't let your view of Christ and God to be distorted into something Jesus is not.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/04/2006 02:02:00 PM
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Wednesday, May 03, 2006
The Kentucky Wind
In a series of events my life changed today. Now nothing is official, but I talked to Western Kentucky and they offer a program that would give me in state tuition because SC doesn't offer a photojournalism program. When I read the email I cried, literally...I called Kayla and woke her up but I was ecstatic. Finally, my dream of seeing people's lives change is within reach. Then tonight I got an email from the director of the department of PJ there and he said that I'd take an intro to photography class and then I'd be in. Another prof. from there said I had good work and they would work me hard. It's odd the correlation of how as I return to the root that gave me everything (God) things begin to happen. It's such a backward way of doing life, we would think us figuring it out would solve problems but instead when we step back and let God do it he takes care of it. What an odd but amazing concept. Guys and girls, I'm tired. So goodnite and thank you for your prayers.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/03/2006 11:19:00 PM
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putting together the pieces
The Christian life is not one element. It's many different elements coming together and infusing themselves with the others. If one element is too much then others suffer, if grace abounds obedience suffers if obedience enforces grace disappears. No matter what something needs to be worked on. That is why God designed the system the way he did, he wanted us to realized our own finite-ness in his infinite power and to realize that we don't have it figured out. It's been my struggle in the past 2 months to learn how to balance everything, to balance me, Kayla, God, photography, ambitions, plans, school, work, and fun while the entire time trying to balance out obedience, grace, prayer, devotion, service, and understanding. Maybe as time goes I can learn to prioritize so my priorities are my priority.
posted by shark_maul @ 5/03/2006 01:26:00 PM
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
In Over My Head
Tonight was my first paid gig for photos. I got the call to cover the event at about 3 this afternoon and was supposed to be there at 7 for a press conference for the Cliffs (an overly expensive golf course). I was running late and got caught in traffic, I show up and they say the conference started at 6:30! I wigged out (mentally), my first job and I screw it up. I couldn't believe it, he said 7! So some other people were going in and so I slid in with them and I got my photos. Apparently Gary Player (famous golf guy known as "the Gary Player") is building a custom golf course at the Cliffs. Well I went to a cocktail party after and there were people everywhere, I had no idea what to do. I couldn't get my pictures, another photographer got me to the front and I got my shots and as I'm leaving Cheech Maron is blocking the door! I was like, "excuse me, excuse me." Finally, I got through. I realized I'm over my head. So for the next couple of months I'm doing a get out of the bubble campaign. There are two projects I want to work on. First, I want to do a black and white photo essay on a night fire fighter team. I want to travel to fires with them and document their lives. I also want to do a photo essay called "in the wide." It would be a documentation of the life in it's encompassing form. To view life as the people in it and surroundings creating it. A true color and passionate story about living in our world. So with both I'd hope to get published, but more get a good looking portfolio. I want to go to Kentucky and it's less a want and more a "I will." This is a I'm going to do it. Alright, peace out.
posted by shark_maul @ 4/25/2006 08:40:00 PM
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006
How did i get here?
Sometimes I ask, how did I get here. The answer is usually minorly more complex than the question. I think it could be that sometime I can't grapple with the truth of my situation. I look at where I am now and wonder how God blessed me so much. Kayla and I went to Barnes and Noble last night and read kids books to each other, it was a time for us to talk and hang out. But I wonder how was I chosen to be with someone who views reading kids books in Barnes and Noble a great date. It's been a blessing, but now that I wonder how I got here to school without having to pay and how I ended up looking at a new school, I wonder how will I get there. Going to Kentucky is going to be hard, very hard. New life, new landscape, new church, new people, far from home. But like any other situation God will take care of me and prepare my way and give me the needed troubles to make me ready when I get there.
posted by shark_maul @ 4/19/2006 09:45:00 AM
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Saturday, April 08, 2006
A Rock...or Something.
Last night I went with a few friends camping. First, I've never ever camped before. Second, I'm not really your outdoorsy type. Third,...ok I don't have a third. We had MRE's (military food) for dinner and it was amazing. Now it was like the chimichangas I eat in the dorm but I was amazed. I watched Brad take the packet add water and magically after leaning the packet on "a rock...or something" (it actually said that on the packet) I had insta beef enchilada. I ate it with a spoon out of a bag...I have seen the light and it was good. The fact that we can make boiling water out of adding water to a plastic bag amazes me. There isn't any spiritual depth to speak of at this moment for last night. Also, a tornado was supposed to come through and kill us all...it didn't. We did prepare last will and testament videos though. Sheila filmed us as we said or (not so) last words.
posted by shark_maul @ 4/08/2006 02:57:00 PM
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Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Have fun~Be safe.
Growing up I had a few things happen when I left the house. First, mom would say, "be safe." Dad would say, "have fun." To this day they both joke about the differences in their personalities. I think at times it would seem one is a redundant phrase. I don't see myself even as a child as conciously being "unsafe" unconciously that's differnt but I would never try to be dangerous. As the years pass I think one without the other would have rendered me weak if I'd obeyed to phrase to the letter. If I lived a life in search of safety I would never had a revolution in Romania. I would have played it safe and got a summer job. Safety would have become my fall back net where I cower. But had I lived a life in search of just fun I would have been equally as weak. I would bounce through my days trying to find ways to be happy. I would become so fickly at my decisions because each one would be based upon my personal gain of momentary joy rather than other people's lifetime gain of wisdom and knowledge and grace. So a public thank you to two wonderful parents. I vaguely remember it but it's worth trying to say again. If I had to pick my parents I'd pic you two. (I think that is some variation on what I said as a kid)
posted by shark_maul @ 4/05/2006 09:39:00 AM
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