Why do you treat me different?

Over the past couple of weeks I've been saddened by the state of people's opinions of me. Not because they think I'm bad but because that they thought that I viewed myself as higher. Let me set the record straight...I don't. Anyone that reads this is probably higher than me on my list. Why, because you're smarter, more popular, you do more work, more athletics, your better than me at something. I don't have some talent that I can outwit someone at or anything. It makes me sad that people think that I view people as lowly or beneath me because that's not how it is. I think everyone is even, eye to eye. But by the same token I don't understand why some people do things. At this point I don't really enjoy Cheraw, it's boring and a waste of my time. I'll be out of here in about six months or so and I won't look back. Because here people in my own church my own brothers and sisters and christ haven't taken the time to understand me or even try to get to know me, I just get chalked up a religious freak. If that's what you think well then yes I'll claim a "jesus freak" but it goes deeper in that I care deeply about the people I know. If I've ever hurt your or offended you I'm sorry it's just that I see a better way. If I've ever learned anything it's to listen to adults, and through the wisdom of peoeple smarter than me I've learned the world we live in is petty and shallow and there is a better way. And for those of you that feel I've turned to some sexual freak that's not true either. I like any other normal human have a sex drive. It's something I look forward to when I'm married but I'm not going to just suppress desires. I won't just walk up to you and ask to sleep with you but you know I'm normal and things like sex do cross my mind...sometimes like a new york crosswalk. I despise my own drive at times because it has tendency to get me in trouble but either way it still exists. So after this if you still have a preconceived notion about me and you haven't taken the time to really get to know me then...o' well. Enjoy your life. I hope God blesses you and brings you good fortune.(honestly)

posted by shark_maul @ 10/31/2004 01:21:00 AM 0 comments

Feminine Brew

If it's dark and strong It'll be all wrong Bitter taste It's a waste Without wholesome smooth May my tongue groove And roundness sweet Until the brew it meet May the smooth song Dull the edged gong Let the hips retreat For the mocha sweet Eye creamy deep While steamy hot For the brew to keep Rolling swirly spot Pour me a cup Steam it hot Pour me a cup Forget me not

posted by shark_maul @ 10/28/2004 07:17:00 PM 0 comments

Elegy for my Past

Diapers long forgotten Red cheeked moments dot the landscape Feeble were the words A child's mind, Child's past From the pail in hand, through clutched pen To key in ignition Slowly the past sparks, burn away the blood Drive the future Smiling hearts and square brims cheer The past is over, packed in a roll New oceans ahead And Valley's below The head is a stranger to the heart Years past live in blood drained cheeks Memories burn as a candle in the waxy heart Let the past melt, melt, drip, drip, extinguish...whisp, repeat.

posted by shark_maul @ 10/21/2004 01:37:00 PM 0 comments

Four Letter Deep

I'm four letters deep My feet an H down Slowly I try to stand But I'm four letters down The O pulls at my arms and feet And without it I'm nothing My identity is gone Because without, there is an E P is my post to stand near Support runs through the roots If my death wasn't changed An L would be it's replacement Finishing the point E Controls the finality And if not L would live beyond And finish my sentence

posted by shark_maul @ 10/17/2004 06:09:00 PM 0 comments

Good Days Bad Days

There are good days Days quiet and without pain People leave the waters undisturbed Slowly the boat drifts down stream Making small ripples in the water There are bad days Days with sunny skies And dark hearts The monster of the deep Opens wide to swallow me But step by step Day by Day Tomorrow may suck But it's another day Gone away

posted by shark_maul @ 10/17/2004 06:04:00 PM 0 comments

Why do I even try?

Every time I get honest or try to let someone know what is actually going on i just get misunderstood. So somehow from now I give up, no I'm not going to kill myself but in essence this is all stupid. High school and it's crap and the things that happen, I hate the stupidity of it all.

posted by shark_maul @ 10/10/2004 08:52:00 PM 0 comments

The Show

From the moment I do We let it slip right through Our fragile fingers letting it go letting go of the show May the world live on We live on our pond It slowly leaks its fluid deep And our world slowlys weeps Down in the depths we hide Only letting our own inside Let it be, Let it be. I'll hide no more Deep on that floor Out to the world I'll go To enjoy the show And in the show I'll show them how To live their life for right now Because in the moment We have atonement We killed him And he died Now he saved us And we hide Deep from the depth I've emerge Let the world know it's not a dirge Life lives on and we will go We will go on with the show

posted by shark_maul @ 10/09/2004 11:35:00 PM 0 comments

Follow the Leader

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)

I hate leadership. I try not to follow anyone, make up your own mind about anything and everything you ever do. If someone tells you God isn't real don't believe him, find out for yourself. If someone tells you God is real, don't believe him find out for yourself. Never just blindly follow someone because the only person to ever live that did screw things up is gone already. So somewhere along the line if you follow somebody then they will let you down and you will have issues to deal with. Make a friend and stick with them walk beside them. If you know me and look up to me...don't. I'm not someone you want to look up to. I have issue that run deeper than you know, I have things that I hide, I'm not a leader. Don't follow me, you can find someone better.

posted by shark_maul @ 10/01/2004 09:43:00 PM 0 comments

Life Experience

First let me say I haven't updated recently and I'm trying to.

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. David T. Wolf

Let me say this is where I am. I'm a cynic, an unhappy one at that. I don't like church, I think everyone is cheesy. I don't like school because it's a waste of my time. I don't like home because it's boring. The only thing I like is writing, talking and taking pictures. I've become a cynic. First I'll cover the church issue. Church people are stupid. They believe in something that is real and geniune and make it fake. The southern bible belt has made God into the perfect little vending machine. People forget to question his existence and his power. Screw that, I believe in him but I'm not just gonna take what people feed me. I don't like my pastor he's boring, I want real food. Week after week he talks about trials and such, I'm sorry we have trial but not as much as he talks about them. The first step to finding God, look for him. Look hard, read the bible, discover truth for yourself. Now I don't believe there are multiple ways to God, I think Jesus is the absolute but somewhere we've forgotten to let people learn on their own. I don't want my God force fed to me, I want to eat on my own leisure. I think that's part of what Jesus meant in moving to "solid food." Quit getting fed and feed yourself. If you do then you might find a new variety of taste. I think church people are ridiculously cheesy, songs that sounds fake in clothes that you might wear to a funeral. I'm sorry suits are meant for a coffin not church. People don't like me because I wear sandals in church. Some say they are offended, no one has ever offended me by the clothes they wear, grow up. The church is filled with people that have forgotten to grow up. They were born there and someone forgot to tell them they were old enough to act their age. Too bad, immature people really mess things up with their little shananigans. Whatever. Ok, I've rambled long enough, enjoy this and send it to someone. Please.

posted by shark_maul @ 10/01/2004 09:10:00 PM 0 comments