Monday, November 29, 2004
Enlightment
Well today was wrather interesting. I had the chance to talk to a guy named Adam and it has been one of the best conversations I've had in a while. Not because of one particular thing but more cuz he reminded me a whole lot of me. He talked a lot which is cool cuz I do it a lot and he talked about when he got angry @ something he didn't believe in and that's me. And then he talked about how he got mad @ dress code rules...that's me 100%.
This is rather off the topic but to my two posters. I don't know who you I have an inkling but it doesn't matter really. But something someone said to me...are you being an encouragement or a critic? I work by feeling so if you tick me off remember that just cuz you work stuff out by yelling or getting in someones face doesn't mean I do. I liked talking to Adam cuz he was...real and right there and didn't insult me @ all. I mentioned RELEVANT and he said he didn't like them and that was cool he made his peace w/ them and no on else. In essence he attacked the sin not the sinner...pretty mature I'd say.
Well Adam if you ever read this thank you for another step on my journey, thank you for being the voice of God for an hour, and thank you for showing me a little of who I am and who I should be.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/29/2004 09:25:00 PM
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Hmmm....Dispelling Blindness.
Okay let's set this record straight.
First, I'm a follower of The Way...this is not some stupid immature crap this is for real. I'm saying this because it's a different animal, I follow Jesus no one else.
Second, if you are too blind to see the obvious change in tone throughout my blogging then don't post against it. What my goal is, is to journal my journey. I right now am at a point in life where my journey is in exodus. I'm wandering around w/o a clue but I'm looking for the straight path. But the thing I know if you few posters feel that telling people just to straighten up then you'll get no where. I'm not trying to be harsh but I've got to be to get point across. I'm putting my inner thoughts out here for anyone and their brother to read so remember your getting it straight from my synapses. Though currently unclear of my finishing point in my journey I'm gettting back on a path. God and I are jiving again...as much as I want certain things God says "no, wait. I have a plan don't mess up what I'm giving you." I'm going against what I want because I'm aware of his foresight.
Third, my want to get out. If you do not live here and talk to me on a daily or normal basis you don't have the right to make judgements on how I feel or should feel. You say that I'm a hypocrite and you're entitled to your opinion, but I feel that I will openly say and do the same. I will say I'm at a point where I question everything but I'm trying to get home. I don't like Cheraw right now because of certain things and the people I know, the people I talk to know this and understand but for some reason ya'll feel that it's just stupid high school stuff.
Fourth, the problems in my church are problems. Yes, they may exist in other places and I know of this I'm not stupid. But, regardless it needs to change. And the type of thinking that you are giving the fix it or burn in hell type will ultimately further the demise of Christians. We are losing our fight with our culture because we will not change our paths. WE MUST KEEP OUR DESTINATION BUT CHANGE OUR PATH.
Also for my new poster...never view life as winning or losing as you view my joust w/ the insomniac. View as walking are we walking forward or taking steps backward...I myself know that in my walk these writings are moving me forward. Life is not about winning or losing but progressing.
Also so that any myth be dispelled...I will talk to anyone about what I believe. If you ask about what I believe I'll tell you and not sugar coat it I tell I think what I believe is right...even though I sometimes question it. Ask Sam or Michael(they have no need for last names) they both have listened to me and I feel w/o any feeling of me forcing my beliefs.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/21/2004 04:48:00 PM
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
To the Insomniac
Ahh,
I enjoy the...joust. You're of the school believing that Christians should just be happy. Hate to break it to you but it ain't that way, Christians just like everyone else have crap happen and thing to do is not sweep it under the rug. We need to express ourselves and get our emotions worked out like humans. So that's my Christian emotions kick.
Now, about the church I don't know where you happen to go but from previous comments it seems to be somewhere near here or you have at least attended in my area. The church I'm in is....good...I use that term lightly and generally, basically I mean it does an okay job of achieving it's purpose but it needs to grow. Church like Rockharbor, I've never been there but by the events on their website and the preaching of the lead teacher wow...THEY ARE GOING PLACES. They have realize that like the rest of the world religion must advance and grow with the culture, adaptation is key. But without these things we get to where we are now, with people divided over moving forward with God's teaching. We must press on towards the goal and further Jesus' word but we cannot sit back on our butts and just wait, letting the world pass us by. Tradition is stablizing and deadly, some tradition is good but be wary because when you hear "we've never done it that way before," people should get antsy because if the past determines future then we shall never advance. We must move with the times and grow towards the common goal of Christ, never let the church control you.
If the church were a force and not an institution this would be a moot point. If the church was not stodgy and stagnant I would have not problems with it, if people realized their own immaturity and stupidity in their choices this would not be happening. THE CHURCH SHOULD BE A FORCE. I would use stronger adjectives but my beliefs would not allow me to do so. Never ever sit back be asking what can I do to advance the word.
Become a follower of The Way...not a churchgoer...pew filler...or christian. Follow The Way, not a pastor or minister.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/17/2004 04:07:00 PM
Sunday, November 14, 2004
No Longer a Christian
I am no longer a Christian....but a follower of The Way.
May you be like Paul and do the same, the word "Christian" over the years has gained baggage from years and years of legalism and scrutiny. It's become synonymous with hypocrite and a lot of things people don't like or want. But Jesus said "The Way, The Truth and the Life no one comes to the father except through me." So follow the way and not this religion.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/14/2004 07:30:00 PM
Saturday, November 13, 2004
To My Anonymous Poster
First...spell right it bugs me when people don't spell words right. But yeah I can see what you might see but understand where I'm coming from I live in a world where it must in some fashion revolve around church I can't escape it. And you know what I still maintain my beliefs about God and Jesus but I still don't like Christians I think things are handled wrongly and just...screwed up. The church is not where it should be. I'm glad you've responded it's given me something to read, feel free to email me...Also if youo know so much about me you'd probably understand my predicament.
So long from the Halo 2 infested mind of Ryan.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/13/2004 10:58:00 PM
Monday, November 08, 2004
Apathy the killer.
I don't care.
That's one of my most common phrases. It applies to everything from the food I'm going to eat at my next meal to my relationship with different people. For some reason I was never blessed with a great sense of attachment. I hate that because even though I maybe really close to you I can't say for sure whether it'd hurt to leave you. Now in some cases I could lie to myself and say it wouldn't hurt but I'd be doing that lying. It'd hurt a big one and I know it. But apathy is satan's curse to me. I don't care about a lot of things and sometimes my own life is one. Now I'm not being suicidal but more just the personal aspects my spirituality at the top. A recent conversation showed me my own apathy, now I still hold true the fact that when I want to change I sure as heck will but until then I'll stay apathetic. A friend today was talking about people wants and wishes, the difference between the two is someone who wants something will work for it but someone who wishes is just hoping it'll happen. That's my life story a lot of times. I'm a wisher.
Being apathetic is satan's way of killing people he grows within them a sense of dullness, now I promise you there is still plenty of the light but it's been masked by the great words "i don't care." Now I'm at a point in life where I don't care cuz right now there is no where to go. I'm stuck in this hell hole called Cheraw and I feel like it's sucking the life out of me. The very thought of staying here after high school conjures mental images of my own insanity. I don't enjoy school because it's boring and the pressure of a whole crap load of students w/ expectations on the dang yearbook and how they thing it should be done. Well I'm sorry the only thing I can do to not go crazy w/ everyone elses opinion of how I do my job is to not care.
But all this convolutedness comes down to one point...I apologize to you (you know who you are). But still my apathy is something I must live with and something I must deal with every day. I live emotionally I'm not a regular person I drive off feelings not mental capacity or duty. I have to feel it, it has to move me and if it doesn't then it's dead in my mind. So that's why I don't care is because this whole town is rotting in some fashion it's dying and the deficit in emotion causes my want to vomit. I want someone to be alive and emotional and I want to be with them (that's my way of saying I want to meet my wife soon cuz I'm losin' it here).
Well so long from the far gone and twisted psyche of Ryan.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/08/2004 08:25:00 PM
Why I hate Christians.
Christians are an interesting breed. We feel the great need to police the world spreading the supposed love of Jesus Christ by forcing ourselves on everyone else. I'm sorry that just doesn't seem right to me. Jesus never once yelled at a non-christian he only got angry w/ his own kind. Because we feel a need to just police the world we turn people off. Recently someone close to me said "I can't imagine a world where gays can marry." My mental response was it'll be the same. I have trouble with the same thing but see my thing is ya I love gays but they still weird me out because I don't understand them. (GAYS DON'T GO TO HELL!!! SINNERS DO!!!) Sometimes we are people that lump large groups together and call them heathens then we detest them and don't welcome them into the circle that is Jesus. I'm sorry that's not the answer, the answer is to go invade the world. If people had the balls I'd love to see the world's largest mass quitting of jobs and see every american christian quit what they are doing and spend the rest of their lives ministering in other countries or in their own. I don't know if I feel that every person has their own "niche" yes we have our things but it's a cop out for wussy christians. I'm a wussy christian I'll admit it here and now. I would love to say I have the ball to quit what I'm doing and faithfully follow christ but I don't know if I could. Back to my point, our job is to love and not be the moral police of the world. Now I hate christians for a lot more than that but for now I'll leave it at that.
posted by shark_maul @ 11/08/2004 08:15:00 PM
